we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
