My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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