He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
