You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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