When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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