i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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