don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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