Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
