I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
