I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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