do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
