so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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