Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize