If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
