Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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