i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
