The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
