Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
