Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
