I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
