I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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