I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
