I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
