i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
