yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She said her name was "party"
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
