umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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