Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So much Jack, so little girl.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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