I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
