Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
