i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
