I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
