i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
