Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
