it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
