Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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