At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am available for nakedness
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
