woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
