I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
