girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you had me at cake vodka
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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