i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
