OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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