Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
