Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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