so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can I color on your dick again?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
