Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
