ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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