you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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