Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize