You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
