I must be too annoying 4 u.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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