new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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