i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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