your parents love me but you hate me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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