I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
