Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
