Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
