When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I puked a lego.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
