Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
