one two three fourrrrnication!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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