I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
