every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
