I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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