She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
