doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
