I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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