You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
