I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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