Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
