I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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